Help On Menopause

Hi,

Finally a forum on women's health. 

My wife is currently undergoing menopause and I was wondering if any of you ladies here can share your experiences on the subject matter and how your husbands handled it. I know the basics but I can't relate to what she actually feels. Sometimes she gets mad at little things for no reason at all. Is this part of that? She wasn't like this when we first met and since we have been together . I just want to hear women's thoughts on this so that I can be there for her physically as well as emotionally. 

 

Any ideas and thoughts would be great and appreciated.

 

Thanks!

 

Bob

Hi Bob,

 

I admire your honesty and your love for your wife. It is rare for a man to ask advice in a women's forum about their wives issues. anyway, menopause is always a crucial stage in a woman's life. It sometimes makes the marriage relationships suffer because some men can not understand their wife.

But there are ways that you can always support your wife and here's a few that I could suggest.

1. YOU DONT KNOW HOW SHE FEELS - so don't be insensitive, try to understand her needs during this times.

2. Know the symptoms - sometimes it includes hot flashes, decreased libido, moodiness, weight gain, forgetfulness, hostility and depression

3. Understand her decisions - research more on the pros and cons of menopause. 

4. Encourage her to see a physician

5. Make time for the both of you - this will assure her that you will always be there for her.

6. LOVE HER - the only way to overcome this stage of her life. :)

May I recommend a book?  It is called:  Taking Charge of the Change.

I am a woman and at least my generation's mothers didn't really talk to us about the menopause issue much.  I actually read the book for myself to try to find out what I might expect.

The hormone changes during this time effect people very differently and for various reasons.  I have not hit menopause in the sense of being done, but am in that time that is referred to as "peri-menopause"...it's on the way.  I have noticed that the normal hormonal changes that you refer to are way more intense at this time in my life than they were previously.  I have a policy that I, personally, think that women should take.  First, I admit that it is real and that I am effected by it and that I do react to things in a more "crazy" manner than I do at any other time of the month.  Having admitted that, I make it policy to let my husband know when it is "the week before"...the time when the hormone stuff gets really strong. 

Just admitting that I know I may get hard to live with for the next week - and letting him know when that time is - goes a long way toward us living with more peace. 

I know that some women seem to be offended by the idea that they have issues during that time but I think that is so ridiculous not to admit it and be on the same team with each other.  If it's true, it's true...and pretending it's not or getting offended won't make anything better in your relationship!

There are a lot of things she could try to help with the severity nutritionally.  The book I recommended speaks of some of them (although not all are good such as their recommendation of using soy products...)  But if you take the time to wade through the junk in there, it did a lot to educate me and at least give me some perspective. 

I personally have also noticed that certain changes in my eating habits have helped make things less intense.  Some of that is based on what works for the individual so it's not a 1 size fits all approach. 

Hope that is helpful.  If you have any specific questions I would try to help..not sure how useful my answers will be, however!

 

I think what you describe are common experiences with menopause. I am working with my wife's co worker with her health issues. As for menopause for her the major symtom is wanting to kill the husband. lol I am not so sure HMT is all that great of an idea. The basics are important to start with omega 3, vitamin D, good flora in the gut, foods do play role in our emotions. Might want to try Goji berries to help with emotion. It can be calming of the emotions. Getting a good night sleep can be challenging during menopause look on this site about getting a good night sleep. Something to look at is getting a salt lamp for the bedroom as a negative ion generator to lower the EMF where you sleep. Also metal spring beds can have a negative sleep patterns effect. Allergies coverings for beds can help control bedbugs and dust mites toxins releasing. I think women's bodies become more sensitive during the change. I would also look at plantcures.com DR. Gusa has somethings that can be very helpful in this area. Ah the Goji berries can be helpful with sex drive issues. The kidneys play a role as well with libido.

As a guy who (like us all) has had a mother, have a sister, now with my second wife, have three daughters, 2 granddaughters, and worked for a while in a female dominated department with the CEO being female, I wonder if I could make a few suggestions in managing woman while in the throws of menopause. As men, we do not know how it feels to be a woman so it becomes difficult to sympathise but empathy considerably helps and so does diplomacy, especially when the signs of tetchiness are apparent. Try listening and agreeing but never criticise nor challenge as you will lose! The odd single rose, or nice underwear, or night attire, or whatever, to help her feel good and wanted, and, of course, dinner at some nice hideaway or palacious hotel. What a woman needs is agreement of her views (irrespective of whether she is right or wrong), love, support, and cuddles. Whatever appears necessary in your life always give precedence to you wife's needs. With woman supervisors at work, just listen, agree, and pretend that she is right and tell her when the opportunity arises that she is looking rather adorable! Never ignore the new dress or hair perm and always tell her what she would like to hear; you will never regret it (in the long run)! How can I be so certain? Would you like to see my wounds?

Hey Bob,

Thanks for your concern about your wife's menopause. I will be 49 in July and I'm having a hard time with the transition. I am very healthy and fit. I work outside of the home in a job that I love, have two incredible children and a wonderful husband. My life is really good and this process for me is really hard. It's hard to be so out of control of myself. My hormones are so out of whack that they truly take over. I refuse to take any drugs. I am currently working with a homeopath and she does help but my hormones still rule. My physical symptoms can be so incredible that my first reaction is to get so mad at myself and this "change". But that doesn't help.

My husband is absolutely my best friend and he listens when I can't help but cry or I have to talk about some yucky thing that I'm feeling. Sometimes when I talk to other women they just say that I should go to a doctor. I don't like doctors but I recently went and she said what I thought she was going to say and that's take drugs or have a hysterectomy. I will do neither. One thing that does give me comfort is that I know there will be an end to this. I welcome that. Another thing that I do that helps is rigorous exercise. I can't have any excuses. I go to the gym or I work out outside just about 5 days a week. I just took that Nutritional Profile and I'm a protein type which surprised me but it makes sense because I'm changing why wouldn't my diet have to change too?

Your wife needs to stay on top of her health. All you need to do is support her and know that this is really hard. The other women gave good advice and there was a man that gave good advice too. It was funny but he is right. We need to "win" now so we can get through this in one piece. 

Your wife probably has never felt this way before and if she did it was when she first started having her period. The two times are similar. Maybe you can get her to talk about when she first got her period and maybe some of her behavior will make more sense to herself and you. You can also research some books about menopause and they may be able to help too.

Thanks for caring about us changing women...

Hi Bob,

 

Well, being in menopause, I so understand the hot flashes, moods and etc. It does get better, but not for sometime. I have found that using Shaklee Menopause Balance Complex has been a life saver for my moods and sweats. Not only myself, but other women friends my age. I've used Shaklee products for years, and very highly recommend them. I see by this forum, you have very good help, but just wanted to add that this product Does help mood swings considerably. Be patient and try very hard not to take offense. She can't help feeling so up, down and moody at times. Best to you both.

 

Arline

Hello Bob,

 I began going thru memapause several years ago.  A friend recommended a book, "What your doctor may not tell you about menapause". by Dr. John R. Lee.  He is the best in this area.  It would be great if your wife would read the book.  I did and it helped me out alot.  I discovered my hormones where out of balance.  I use Progesterone Cream, exercise and have eliminated the hormones in my foods by eating organically.  My husband noticed a change in me. 

 

Teresa

bob - I see this is an older question and am wondering if you got any help and if so what it was?  I am 49 going on 29 (perception is reality ?!?! ) and have started seeing some signs I may be perimenapausal.  My doc cannot tell me for certain because my menstrual cycles have been almost nonexistent my whole life ( happy about that! )  however, i have been having nite sweats and sometimes am unusually sensitive and may fly off the handle for no reason toward my sweet sweet understandable and tolerable husband!  And what is so strange - is I realize it as the words are leaving my mouth !  Anyway - I find Black kohosh really helps the nite sweats.  As we all know, Menapause is a hormone imbalance so please urge your wife to take Omega 3,6 and 9's (walnuts, salmon )- I find GLA (gamma linoleic acid) works wonders! havent had even one explosion since I began using it.  Im not a professional, but I will suggest two drs for Natural healing - Each has helped my so many times I think I've found a Genie!  Dr. Asa Andrew (asaandrew.com) and Dr. Josh Axe (joshaxe.com)  - they also each have talk radio shows you may call in with advice for any question you have - hope this helps and even if the issues with your wife have been resolved - still ck out Drs josh and asa - im sure youll be very pleasantly suprised if you haven't run across them as of yet!

lots of fresh fruits and vegetables - black hohosh for nite sweats, GLA (gamma linoleic acid) for sensitivity - plenty of Omega 3, 6 and 9 fatty acids! She'll be a new woman ... and have a shiny "coat"  ;D